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Putin to the Rescue

He’s faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a Soviet-era Kalashnikov, he’s the Russian Prime Minister.

Jul 31, 2020
Image has not been found. URL: Putin (Department of Defense photo by Cherie A. Thurlby)
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who recently saved a TV crew from certain death by dart-gunning a charging white Siberian tiger in the nick of time, had no sooner returned to Moscow than the suspension bridge that his limousine was driving under began to collapse.
Though no longer president, the still quick-witted so-called “Man of Russian Iron, Tungsten and Assorted Other Ferrous Minerals” lept from the vehicle and held up the bridge’s main truss until emergency crews could arrive to make a more permanent fix.
Putin was just brushing the dust off his suit after that incident when Muscovites began fleeing the metropolis in panic over a huge meteorite hurtling toward the city center from outer space.
Image has not been found. URL: into Red Square, the ex-civil servant waved everyone back and braced himself. Moments later, the meteorite landed in the firm grip of his two hands “like a baby on a pillow,” as a totally independent and unbiased reporter paid to follow Putin around explained.
Kidded by his pals as gruff, tough, humorless and ruthless, Putin has lately revealed not only a superhuman but a more human side. This has been evident not only by random acts of heroism, like those described above, but also by being seen to eat food and knowing the difference between a dog and a cat.
However, he has never been seen lying down.
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”
Dexter Cooke

Dexter Cooke

Dexter Cooke is an economist, marketing strategist, and orthopedic surgeon with over 20 years of experience crafting compelling narratives that resonate worldwide. He holds a Journalism degree from Columbia University, an Economics background from Yale University, and a medical degree with a postdoctoral fellowship in orthopedic medicine from the Medical University of South Carolina. Dexter’s insights into media, economics, and marketing shine through his prolific contributions to respected publications and advisory roles for influential organizations. As an orthopedic surgeon specializing in minimally invasive knee replacement surgery and laparoscopic procedures, Dexter prioritizes patient care above all. Outside his professional pursuits, Dexter enjoys collecting vintage watches, studying ancient civilizations, learning about astronomy, and participating in charity runs.
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